Image by Brian Kelly.
“Yes, I am an amputee, and I wear a prosthesis.”
“What happened?”
“It’s a long story.”
THAT’S A CONVERSATION MANY AMPUTEES REGULARLY ENCOUNTER.
A stranger asks questions about your prosthetic limb, followed by several other personal questions that make you feel uncomfortable. Even worse, other children might have taunted you and called you names because you are missing an arm or a leg and wear a prosthesis. Perhaps you were chosen last during every game in gym class as you grew up. Or perhaps you are a new amputee and are worried about how others will react to your scar or seeing you limping or wearing a prosthesis.
Such embarrassing or humiliating situations and concerns about how people might view you can affect your ability to socialize and interact with others. Eventually, you may even develop a debilitating disorder called social anxiety.
What’s Social Anxiety?
Whether it’s giving a speech, performing on stage, or asking a question in front of peers, we’ve all been in situations that leave us feeling anxious, self-conscious, or fearful of being judged or embarrassed. While experiencing stress and anxiety is completely normal, for some people this fear can become so frequent and overwhelming that it interferes with their everyday activities, such as going to work or school.
Social anxiety also may cause physical symptoms—including increased heart rate, sweating, trembling, blushing, or upset stomach. As a result of these symptoms, some people may isolate themselves and avoid social situations altogether.
For Lorie Tensen, dealing with social anxiety has been a struggle since she lost her right arm below the elbow when she was 13 years old.
“Before my accident, I was painfully shy,” Tensen says. “After my accident, as strange as it may sound, I donned a facade of an extrovert even though I really wasn’t one. I pretended to be the funny, loud girl because I wanted to divert the attention from my missing limb to this new persona. It was an incredibly difficult facade to maintain.”
Her situation became more complicated when an occupational therapist made her wear a sleeveless shirt while wearing a hook on her arm. Tensen was devastated and hid her prosthetic hand in her pocket for years. Nearly 35 years later, she recently decided to stop hiding her prosthetic arm, although she still doesn’t feel comfortable wearing short-sleeved shirts around strangers.
“I accept that this is me,” Tensen says. “My limb will never grow back. It will always be fake, and that is okay. I like the woman I’ve become and celebrate my unique beauty. I accept that people will either like or dislike me, and it has nothing to do with my missing limb.”
In 2014, Tensen published Taking My Hand Out Of My Pocket, a book detailing her experience as an amputee, which has helped her come to terms with her past. She also became a public speaker and has shared her story with thousands of people. To help manage social anxiety, Tensen suggests finding a mentor—
if possible, someone who has faced a similar situation. She’s become a mentor herself and welcomes the opportunity to speak with other amputees who are dealing with social anxiety.
“Perception is reality, and my perception of myself is a woman who’s walked a difficult road, but who has finally found her way,” she says.
Coping with Social Anxiety
If you have social anxiety, it is important to learn how to manage it so that it doesn’t interfere with your relationships, career, or ability to enjoy life. Left untreated, social anxiety may lead to depression, substance abuse, and other mental health disorders.
The effects of social anxiety differ from person to person, so the methods for coping with it aren’t the same for everyone. The following suggestions might help you manage your anxiety:
Talk to your healthcare team. It’s important to share your feelings and concerns with healthcare professionals. They can’t help you unless they know exactly how you feel and how your social anxiety affects your life.
Find support from those who understand. Group settings may be difficult for those with social anxiety, but support groups, conferences, and events designed specifically for amputees may help you confront your anxiety while learning from and connecting with others who have experienced similar challenges.
Have a plan. Practice what you’ll say if someone asks about your amputation, your prosthesis, or the cause of your limb loss. Know your comfort level, and don’t feel obligated to answer anything that’s too personal or makes you feel uncomfortable.
Take care of yourself. Good nutrition and exercise play a huge role in your overall well-being. Exercise keeps your body healthy and provides endorphins while nutritious foods provide the essential vitamins and nourishment you need to feel your best. Be sure to speak with your physician or healthcare provider before starting a diet or exercise plan.
Consider professional therapy and/or medication. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and certain medications have been shown to be effective in treating social anxiety. If you are not comfortable seeing a professional therapist, you may still benefit from learning the evidence-based principles and strategies of CBT and implementing them on your own.
Go at your own pace. Regardless of how you choose to manage anxiety, go at your own pace and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
While going out in public and interacting with others is difficult for many amputees, many do ultimately overcome their social anxiety and start socializing again.
By Abbey Smith
