I’m not one of those people who gets carried away with optimism very often. Quite the opposite: When I’m fixated on a dark cloud, I don’t want a silver lining to break my concentration.
So the concerns about “toxic positivity” ring true to me. This idea, which started gaining currency during the pandemic, refers to the insistence on upbeat thinking in all circumstances, and the suppression (or even condemnation) of anger, frustration, despair, and other gloomy emotions. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, “toxic positivity occurs when encouraging statements are expected to minimize or eliminate painful emotions, creating pressure to be unrealistically optimistic.”
In short, toxic positivity is happy talk that makes you feel worse, not better.
It’s what occurs when you’re grieving the loss of your limb, fearing the future, and furious at the universe, and a friend responds, “Come on, don’t think like that. You got this!” Or when you can barely walk down to the mailbox because your socket is killing you, and somebody texts you a link to an Instagram amputee who’s hiking the Pacific Crest Trail with the note: “Something to shoot for!” Or when your exasperation with insurance denials, tone-deaf healthcare providers, or another chronic insult boils over, and a loved one soothingly tells you: “This’ll pass, it always does. Keep it in perspective.”
You want to say, “Walk a mile in my SACHs, and then let’s talk perspective.” That’s what makes toxic positivity feel toxic: It negates your reality. It asks you to replace genuine, justified, completely healthy negativity with feel-good vibes so contrived they’d induce side-eye in Pollyanna herself. And it’s based on the fallacy that the road out of adversity is graded and paved—a smooth ride rather than a rocky, uncomfortable, harrowing ordeal.
Toxic positivity usually springs from good intentions, and those administering the toxin are usually clueless about the effect of their words. Amplitude sometimes falls into this trap. It’s right there in our tagline: Powerful, practical, and positive living with limb loss. We want those goals to feel attainable for every amputee, but we understand (because some of you have told us directly) that it’s impossible to feel powerful and positive every day.
We asked Diana Theobald to meditate on her own encounters with toxic positivity, and she came through in her usual insightful, entertaining style. The essay, called “What’s So Toxic About Toxic Positivity?” begins on page 18.
Elsewhere in this issue, Melissa Bean Sterzick offers some tips for amputees who are at, or approaching, retirement age and want to find a limb-loss-friendly senior housing facility; Amp’dUp211 host Rick Bontkowski describes his adventures in the brave new world of podcasting; and Angelina Martinson recounts her decades-long odyssey to find the right prosthetist.
At the risk of sounding unduly positive: Hope you enjoy the edition!
