A few years back, Diana Theobald memorably wrote in Amplitude: “I’ve dated with and without limb loss, and I can confirm one thing: They both suck.” She eventually decided that dating as an amputee sucks less, and she’s not the only one with that opinion. With Cupid getting ready to fire off some arrows this weekend, we rounded up a handful of short relationship videos by and about amputees.
Footless Jo, “Dating With a Disability”
“Dating is not an easy subject for anybody,” Jo observes right off the top, echoing Theobald’s sentiments. Framing the subject in that context seems helpful, as it positions limb loss as just another annoyance within the dating scene’s inherent minefield of challenges, hazards, and plain old weirdness. In addition to running through what she’s seen, learned, and experienced in that minefield, Jo also discusses how she anticipates and defuses awkward conversations and boundary issues. Those have been surprisingly infrequent, she says; better yet, dating has sharpened her self-knowledge and communication skills, making her a better self-advocate across the board. That overall spirit sums up Jo’s overarching advice with respect to dating: She has approached it as a means to self-discovery, rather than as a hunt for the ideal partner. In addition to lowering the stakes, that mindset ensures that every date—even a lousy one—can yield worthwhile lessons. Watch here. (You may also want to check out the sequel, “Sex With a Disability”—unless you are Footless Jo’s dad.)
Drew Lynch, “Amputee Explains How He Has Sex”
This video features a hilarious NSFW exchange between Lynch, aka “The Stuttering Comedian,” and a couple sitting in the audience at one of his shows. The clip begins with a woman interrupting Lynch’s set by tossing her boyfriend’s prosthetic leg onto the stage and shouting, “He can never leave me!” Perhaps because of his own experience with disability (Lynch acquired a neurogenic stutter in early adulthood as a result of an accident), he unabashedly interrogates the couple about how limb loss affects their relationship—and, specifically, how it impacts the way they execute what he refers to as “the Honky Tonk.” Watch here—and if you like this short segment, it’s part of a much longer (15 minute) interaction that you can watch on YouTube.
Dating Different, “Will My Date See Past My Disability?”
The subject of this dating-show segment, Michelle, last her right arm above the elbow at the age of 19 in a car crash. “Dating with an amputation can be intimidating,” she says, and admits to being nervous en route to her first (blind) date with a guy named Prince. “I would like him not to make it all about what happened to me,” she says. Prince nails that part of the interview, diving into conversation about their respective neighborhoods in New York and their shared quest to break into the fashion industry; when he shares his first impressions with the camera, he doesn’t mention her limb difference at all. When he does eventually ask about her limb loss, he’s straightforward and honest, primarily interested in Michelle’s emotional journey. The interest appears to be mutual; there appear to be more dates in the offing. Watch here.
Lighten Up Amputee, “Dating as an Amputee”
With 50,000 views over the last five years, this popular video puts anxieties and fears on the front burner. The creator, Denise, was recently divorced when she lost her leg due to synovial sarcoma, so she was doubly doubtful: She hadn’t been on a date of any kind for many years, and never had dated as an amputee. Her fears proved to be unwarranted, she explains. Men have prove to be more open and accepting than she expected, in part because Denise isn’t self-conscious about her limb difference. “I had to redefine my self-concept of who I am,” she says. And surviving cancer treatment and amputation put dating into perspective for her. Watch here. (For another perspective from a cancer survivor, see this segment from the UK’s “First Dates.”)
Change Your Life, “Learning to Love Yourself After Amputation”
“I want to find somebody and I want to be with somebody,” says Phil at the start of this segment from a BBC mental-health show, “but I wouldn’t know where to begin. Over the course of this segment, therapist Julia Samuel guides Phil to the discovery that the biggest obstacles in his dating life are his unresolved anger, frustration, and negative self-image related to limb loss. At one point he describes himself as seeing “a circus freak” when he looks in the mirror, which is hardly the type of vibe likely to attract a partner. By the end of the segment, he’s gotten himself to a better place. “I don’t let limb loss define me now,” he says. “But it’s taken me a long while to get to this point.”
