After some brutal experiences on digital dating apps, Jacqueline Child called it quits.
“I just started living a very isolated life, and it was really lonely,” says Child, “I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, and I hadn’t met another person my age with a disability, so I didn’t have anyone to relate to.” She was weary of matching with guys who dumped her when they found out she used crutches, or who insinuated that her congenital health condition made her undesirable as a reproductive partner. Wasn’t there anyone out there who could see past her disability and appreciate her good looks, intelligence, compassion, and sense of humor? Or even just acknowledge her basic humanity?
“I couldn’t really find those people,” Child says—at least, not on mainstream apps like Bumble and Tinder. But she knew they existed. So Jacqueline and her sister, Alexa, created Dateability, an app where nobody has to apologize for their disability or chronic illness. Launched in the fall of 2022, the inclusive platform has attracted more than 15,000 active users in just a year and a half. Dateability has made enough of a splash to draw coverage from USA Today, the Washington Post, National Public Radio, Fast Company, Forbes, and other national media. Two nights ago, they partnered with the Runway of Dreams Foundation at New York Fashion Week for an event called “When Fashion Meets Passion,” which brought together five couples who matched on Dateability for their first in-person meetings. Right there on the runway.
At least a few amputees who’ve appeared in Amplitude‘s pages have Dateability profiles, so you might see a familiar face or two on there. You can download the app to your phone from all the usual portals (App Store, Google Play, etc.), and there’s a laptop version as well. Get more info at the Dateability website or via Instagram or TikTok.
We caught up with Jacqueline and Alexa last week, just before they flew to New York for “When Fashion Meets Passion.” Our conversation is edited for length and clarity.
How did the connection between you and Runway of Dreams come about for the “When Fashion Meets Passion” collaboration?
JACQUELINE: We were introduced to Mindy [Scheier] last spring, and she was very interested in what we’re doing. Then, back in December, she reached out to us and said, “I have a crazy idea. I know it’s short notice. But how about we do an event together in February at New York Fashion Week, which also happens to be around Valentine’s Day?” We came up with the idea that we were going to have Dateability users be the models, and we would match everyone up. We got about over 30 applicants from the tri-state area, and they were all matched up depending on age preferences, gender, sexual orientation. They’re going to be meeting for the first time on the runway, and no one knows who they’re matched up with. So we’re really excited. It will be held at Victoria’s Secret headquarters in New York, and the styling will be provided by Target. Both of those companies have done great things with the adaptive wear, so we’re happy to have those companies on board.
Is there anything you can tell me about the 10 people who will be meeting their matches at the Runway of Dreams show?
JACQUELINE: It’s a really diverse group, which is what we wanted. I think people—even disabled people themselves—often forget the diversity of the disability community. It’s really important to highlight that. Dateability welcomes people of all different disabilities—wheelchair users, amputees, chronic illness—along with all different races, different sexual orientations, different genders, nonbinary, female, male, heterosexual, homosexual relationships. It’s the whole spectrum, and that’s the one thing that we want to highlight: This minority encompasses so many other minorities. I think this event will really showcase that diversity.
Before you launched Dateability, what sort of career target were aiming for? What did you study in school?
JACQUELINE: I graduated from Colorado College with a degree in psychology, and then I got my master’s degree in family and human development. The goal was to become a child life specialist in a children’s hospital, which is just someone who uses play therapy and other tools to normalize the hospital experience for children. I went on to do an internship in New Orleans after graduating, and I had already been chronically ill for 10 years at that point, but it became completely unmanageable during the internship and my health rapidly declined. So I wasn’t able to complete the steps to actually become a child life specialist. I’ve spent the last five years or so managing my health and being a full-time patient—doctor’s appointments every day, treatments, surgeries, just everything that chronically ill and disabled people deal with.
ALEXA: I went to College of the Holy Cross. I’m not religious at all, but I really did love the Jesuit philosophy on the purpose of education. I think I was probably brainwashed or something there, because I really, truly believe in service and community. Then I went to Georgetown for law school, and it took me almost a decade to find my place careerwise. Now I work as a public interest attorney. That’s when I really found my footing and felt like I was making the most out of my career and my skills. And then Dateability came along. And that was another area where I felt like I belong, and I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.
What what happened with Dateability was that Jacqueline got a feeding tube in October of 2021, after years of suffering from gastroparesis. It got really bad, so there was really no choice but to put in a feeding tube. And she panicked for what her dating life would look like, and the need for stability really became apparent. At that time I was unemployed—I got laid off due to COVID budget cuts—so it was the perfect time. I wasn’t doing anything, and we were faced with this new reality. So we decided to dive right in.
JACQUELINE: We had no experience in tech or entrepreneurship. All we knew is that our dad is an entrepreneur, and we could rely on him for advice. And we just did it.
Since you mentioned COVID, does either of you feel that the experience we’ve all had as a society with COVID has made people better able to relate to the experience you have as a person with a chronic illness? During the pandemic, everybody got a taste of disability to some degree. Do you think that made a difference?
JACQUELINE: I’d say it’s divided. There are people who absolutely understand it better. And then there are people who just, that stigma and discrimination got worse. When lockdown happened, and people were complaining about being stuck in their house for two weeks at the time, I was thinking, “Oh my gosh, I’ve been stuck in my house for five years.” It felt kind of nice to be understood and be able to say, “This is insight into my life.” It felt like an equal playing field.
ALEXA: There’s a better understanding now that health is ever changing, and things can happen. Your health is never promised to you. That has also been helpful when building this community and talking about disability. I think disability has been seen as such a dirty word for so long. But with the pandemic, we’ve been forced to talk about it.
Tell me a little more about who is on the app. You’ve told me it’s a very diverse group, but I’m curious if there are trends you’ve noticed geographically, or whether you have more men versus women, heterosexual versus homosexual, age trends, that sort of thing.
JACQUELINE: We have almost 15,000 users all over North America. Wre very evenly split between men and women, which is pretty unheard of for a dating app. It’s usually way more men than women, usually like a 75-25 split. So I think our users are pleased with that.
We welcome all types of disabilities and chronic illness, as well as nondisabled people. About 7 percent of our users are nondisabled. The biggest age range are Millennials, but we do have a decent-sized senior community as well, which is nice to see. It’s also surprising, because we had assumed that ableism gets a little less potent with age. But that doesn’t seem to be the case, from the stories we’ve heard from our users.
Maybe it’s a little early for this, but do you have any marriages from the app yet?
JACQUELINE: No marriages yet, which I think is good. It’s only been a year and three months. But we do have a couple that moved in together right after the holidays. They lived 900 miles apart, and they matched on Dateability right after we launched. They dated long-distance for a year and then decided to move in together. They say they would have never met without Dateability, especially because they lived so far apart, and then add the chronic illness and the isolation that comes along with it. We also have a handful of other couples who have been dating for a while. But we’re still waiting for that first Dateability wedding.
Before you launched this, did you focus-group it at all to figure out what people were looking for? Did you do any informal research? Or did you just kind of go on Tinder and other apps and borrow from what they do?
JACQUELINE: We just got out a notebook and literally started drawing what we would want the screens to look like. And you’re right, we did go through all the mainstream apps and took pieces of what we liked. We designed every page, all the icons, the logo, everything. We really wanted it to be something that if someone had been on any dating app, they would know how to use it.
We did add a section called Dateability Deets. That’s an extensive list of broad terms where people can choose wheelchair user, limb difference, neurodiverse, low vision, hearing impairment. That is a great way to disclose your disability very neutrally and without a lot of detail. It’s on your profile, so it helps break that stigma and that awkwardness people feel.
Since launching, we have added features that our users want. Our user base is very vocal. We hear from them a lot, and that’s nice. I’d rather have an active user base of people who really care than having them not care at all.
ALEXA: We felt Jacqueline’s experience was enough to go on for the first version, and we knew we could add on after. Disability is so diverse, there’s no way we were going to capture everyone’s preferences and needs on the first try. But we just wanted to get it out there. We knew we weren’t the only ones with this idea, and we wanted to be the first one.
Has the devotee phenomenon caused any issues on Dateability?
ALEXA: We didn’t really know about devotees before we launched Dateability. Jacqueline’s disabilities are mostly invisible; while they manifest physically, you wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at her. So she hasn’t come across any of that in her own personal experience. But when we started doing our research, we started seeing there are these predatory people out there. We also know there are consensual relationships that are kind of devotee-esque, and we’re okay with that. If it’s consensual, that’s fine. But we have no tolerance for predatory behavior.
I think one reason we haven’t seen that on Dateability is because we’re so vocal and we have our faces out there. It’s our story. There’s accountability and legitimacy behind it. We’ve had to remove some profiles that were a little off, just a little creepy. Better safe than sorry.
JACQUELINE: We’re really making safety a top priority. We have a safety tutorial at onboarding that gives very basic tips—don’t share financial information, meet in a public place—and then we also have block and report features. People can leave a little note as to why they’re blocking or reporting someone, and we go through those lists multiple times a day. And we’ll delete anyone who’s getting too many reports. There are other apps that let anyone stay on there; as long as it boosts their numbers, they’ll take it. We’ll just take them off, and we really don’t care. Because there are bad actors everywhere. We have a pretty good system in place now to take care of it.
Is that tutorial something that people can watch before they sign up, if they want to check out Dateability before they sign up?
JACQUELINE: Yes, we have a series of videos on our YouTube channel. And we’re really trying to spread the word. There are so many people out there who don’t know about us yet.